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Mark Twain the Wise

As Samuel Langhorne Clemens once said:


"The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”


So today I started exercising, and it felt fantastic! I ran 3 km, from my house until the gate to Daang Hari and back in 30 mins.. Okay, I cheated and walked a little bit, but just like fifty meters worth!

I feel like tomorrow is a nice day for a swim. I haven't done laps since PE!

I think exercise is a good way to practice self-discipline. I can't just do it for this one morning. I have to keep doing it until I form the habit of exercising everyday. It's healthy and builds stamina needed especially for difficult days.

For some reason, I think it's good to write this down somewhere and somehow let someone know that I'm doing this habit thing seriously.  I have a sickness for not finishing things, and it's terrible. Broadcasting it somehow pressures me to finish it. It's a good way to tell myself that if I don't do it, I'll look like a complete ass. And God knows how much I hate looking like one.

And when I get this done, who knows how many more things I can start and finish.





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Weak Post dos

It's especially hard to be strong for Dad.

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Weak Post

...no matter how painful or difficult...

I'm finding it hard to be strong.

Too many things are happening around me, and it's hard to live up to people's expectations, whether it be as a big sister, a sorority sister, a good worker, an understanding daughter or basically, a decent human being. I'm losing that gigil I used to have for the things I was passionate about, and I don't understand why I'm in this slump. I don't understand why I'm being so weak. It's exactly these things that would help me grow battle scars and be stronger, but I'm holding back, hiding behind my blanky, waiting for someone else to chase the monster away.

But it's not going away. It's only getting bigger, and I admit, I'm getting more frightened. I'm frustrated at myself for being a coward, and terrified at the world for thinking that instead of the strong me I used to be. Or at least want to be.

It's difficult for me to step up and own up to what I've done. The truth hurts a lot more after I've denied it many other times, because there's the aspect of knowing I was wrong all along. The truth is hard to swallow for someone as arrogant as me.

I can't even believe that I accept calling myself a coward, because that means I've settled to being one. Another version of me would be laughing right now, and I miss that version of me. I miss being the reliable me.

Right now, I just want to be strong for myself and strong for the people who need me. Dianne was right: It's much harder to be strong for others and stop your tears so others can shed theirs on you. You can't show weakness to those who need comfort.

So Lord, please, help me be strong, then stronger.


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Life Update

Hello.

It seems that my life is not updated on this livejournal. I haven't posted anything for over a year now! Wow. And a lot has changed. That's an understatement.

I have to do this quick because I have to go to work soon!

Let's get things straight:
1. I'm still very very very single. Keriboom.
2. I'm a Sigma Deltan. That is a loooong story, but it's about (more than) half of my story.
3. I'm OJT-ing in Citibank for no reason right now.
4. I have no idea what my course is going to be this June. And I'm freaking out.

That's it for now! But I WILL write soon. Hopefully.

--->Keisha

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Her Onion

 The writing below was taken from a notebook I wrote on while I was in La Union a few days ago. This is experimental writing, so grammar nazism is not tolerated. Hihihi.




3 April

Betchabygollyhwaw! Nan-
(Hindi ko natapos yang linyang nasa ibabaw kasi sumakay na kami ng kuya ko ng bus papuntang La Union. Kahapon yon)

April 4

Nakakainis lang. I'm trying to write in the dark but my hand's shadow is in the way. May ilaw na nga, eh useless pa! Ayan, naka-pagadjust na ako medyo, pero madilim pa rin. Oh well.

So I went surfing with Kevin a while ago. It's really fun! And much easier than wake boarding. As in, talaga.

Kanina may nakasabay kaming dalawang lalaki't dalawang babae na halos ka-edad namin. May I just say, ANG HOT NG DALAWANG BOYS! ME ABS! At kanina, nakilala ko sila gamit ng aking "Da-moobs" (Hindi ko pa nga ginamit ang "Da-boobs", promise!)

Sa gitna ng aking surfing aka pagtumba ng maraming beses (HOY. Hindi ibig sabihin di ako marunong ah! Mabilis akong matuto! Tanungin mo pa si Rey, yung naging instructor ko kaninang umaga. Mas-marami pa nga akong nasakay na alon kesa sa kuya ko eh! Pero nagkataon lang sa madalas kong pagtumba na mapangit yung mga alon. Charot. Pero talaga, sabi ni Rey na "masmahirap pag windy". At wala na rin si Rey yung time na pagtumba-tumba, kaya wala nang tumutulak sa akin. Kelangan ko talagang mag-paddle, tapos nakakapagod pang bumalik-balik. Hay nako, ang haba na ng layo ng parentheses ko, sasasrado ko na nga ♪Closiiiing tiiiime ♫), nagka-cramps ako sa left ankle ko, kaya (napasigaw ako) nag-paddle ako pabalik. Siyempre yung sa spot malapit sa isang hot boy.

Nag-"ouch" ako at nag-"that hurts" at gumrunt-grunt na mej lang sexy (para, you know, may appeal pa). At syempre, napansin ito ni Hot Guy. Sabi niya, "kelangan mo ng tulong?" sa 'kin. Syempre, bingi ako, so ilang beses niya 'to inulit hanggang napa-English siya and said, "do you need help?" AYYYAYYAY!

So I said, "okay." Pero narinig niya siguro "I'm okay," kasi tinanong niya ulit. Sabi ko ng malandi, "yes please."


At saka siya lumapit sa 'kin at naka-close up ko ang napaka-HOT niyang katawan. Basa. Tan. Peks, pare. GWAPO PA SA MUKHA!

And then, you know, we talked (Ahihihi). Gentleman pa siya kasi tinanong niya kung OK lang daw sa kuya ko kung pwede niya akong i-touch (OO, PLEASE. He won't mind. I won't mind. Sige lang, kahit saan. Actually kung saan-saan kung pwede lang). Tapos tinulungan niya ako sa cramp ko (mind you, masakit talaga yun! Gaga ka kung akala mo fine-fake ko pa! Da-moobs has a price).

And, as we termed it in Communication 3, we began the fencing period. Francis was his name, and he's an incoming freshie in Ateneo with the course of Management Engineering.  (HOT GENTLEMAN NA GENIUS. OMG PLEASE BE SINGLE)

So habang nag-ge-getting-to-know kami ni Francis, syempre fresh-out-of-the0water na dumating yung isa pang HOT BOY. Magkapatid sila. WOW LANG. Siya naman si DJ na 3rd year nursing sa UST. SHET LANG, NASA GITNA AKO  NG DALAWANG HOT NA MAGKAPATID. AT YUNG DALAWANG BABAENG KASAMA NILA AY MGA PINSAN  NILA.

Hindi nagtagal at umalis na rin sila para maka-surf. HNNGGGKK. KELANGAN KO SILANG MAKITA ULIT.

Kaya ako nandito malapit sa labas  ng kanilang hotel (para di naman obvious no! [oo, stalker ako. Alam ko]) dahil umaasa pa akong lalabas sila kahit gabi na at nakakatakot at madilim. Desperado ka, hija.


April 5

CHAKA! ANG ITIM KO NA!

Anyway, 'di na bumalik yung dalawang HOT BOYS kaninang umaga. SWEAR, NAIYAK AKO.

But I'm pretty sure they were watching me surf while they were eating breakfast (syempre sa harap ako ng hotel nila nag-surf). I could see those abs froma a mile away. HEH.

Gusto ko sanang lumapit habang naka-wet look pa ako, pero ang daming alon! Nakasakay ako habang nanonood sila, para ma-impress hehe (Well, with the help of Rey).

Kahit na! Dapat lumapit ako! Kasi naman, umasa pa 'ko na magsu-surf pa sila. Bobo ko! Dapat pala na-meet ko yung isang pinsan nilang babae na BS Psych sa UP, para me connection at least! Dedepende nanaman ako sa stalking skillz ko sa Fezbook. Hayz.

ALAM KONG MAGKIKITA ULI KAMI. ALAM KONG ISA SA KANILA ANG MAKAKATULUYAN KO (Alam kong sila ang unang magso-stalk sa 'kin sa Fezbook). MAGIGING TXM8S KAMI. MAGLALANDIAN KAMI SA PADER NAMIN SA FEZBOOK. INTERESADO NGAYON SAKIN ANG ISA SA KANILA NA SINGLE PA (Si DJ kaya? O si Francis?) HAHANAPIN AKO. PAPANIGINIPAN AKO. MAGDE-DAYDREAM SIYA NA MAGKASAMA KAMING SUMASAKAY SA WAVES (At syempre sa daydream niya, magaling na kami. Dapat lang)

TATANUNGIN NIYA ANG PINSAN NIYANG NASA UP NA HANAPIN AKO'T I-INTRODUCE (By then, pumayat na ako kahit slight lang. At maputi na ulit.)

BASTA, DAPAT LANG, MA-IINLOVE KAMI SA ISA'T-ISA. WALANG UNREQUITED NA TAE NG KALABAW TULAD NG ROMEO AND JULIET*

TOTOO NA 'TO, SIS! SIYA NA! AKO NA! KAMI NA! AND THERE'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! SIYA NA ANG SUSUNOD AT AKO NA ANG MASU-SWERTRE!

TAWAGIN MO NA AKONG MRS...Ay shet. How do I (stalk them) know what my signature would say?



--->Keish♫



*"Wait a minute. Romeo and Juliet's love was not unrequited! They loved each other to death, literally!"  Yes, that is what most of us would think. But what I refer to is not to Romeo and Juliet's love, for there are other kinds of love in the story. But I will focus on the unrequited. There are two instances, one in each of Romeo's and Juliet's side: the first is Paris, Juliet's suitor (or as most of you will remember from Romeo+Juliet, the charming Paul Rudd), whose love was not returned, but rather, forced by Juliet's family. The second instance is Rosaline, to whom Romeo was infatuated with in the beginning of the play. Although she never appears in the play, Romeo praises her beauty, and yet she does not return her praises to him (maybe she doesn't know. Or maybe she does. I dunno). So yes, Romeo and Juliet is also a story of unrequited love. Heh.

PS- If google chrome asks you if you can translate the page, GO LANG HAHAHAHAHA





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Ito Nanaman: Isang Birthday Blog

 After a night of drinks drinks drinks, I've never been thirstier in my life. Water please.

I think it's only now that I've fully recovered from my hangover. Everything's a blur from my last drink two nights ago to my typing right now.

What happened? A lot, apparently.

I really want to write about it, but something is stopping me. No, it's not my 25-page term paper due tomorrow. It's not sleepiness either.

I'll try to write what I want to. Try. (What am I even saying now)

I'm angry at the people who said they would come, but didn't. Fckers.

I'm glad that my friends from church went, even if I just invited them on the day itself.

I'm extremely appreciative of the people who went. They were the only people I need. I know my parents must think I'm a loser with no friends, but I do have friends. Those friends are all I need. They are the only ones that matter.

Plastik na ang natira, di pa bio-degradable. Bawal dapat yan sa Muntilupa. Ay wait, nasa Cavite pala ako.

Whatever.

I had fun, I think. I really honestly don't remember half the night. I remember the toilet. Two toilets. And my couch.
 
And I remember that I love James. hahaha

Most of all, I remember Alex and Erle taking care of me the whole night - two of my bestest bestest bestest friends in the world.
 
But I swear, I think I was hallucinating, but I saw him. He was in my room, patting my head the way I always hated it.

I was probably dreaming.

Anyway, I woke up with four poems beside my bed. It was my handwriting, so I think I wrote it. Probably. Haha

They are all untitled and unedited, so as to keep true to the drunkeness which this writing was motivated by:

Untitled 1

Shall I compare thee to a summer's night?
Thou art an angel bursting through with light
Thou sweetest kisses cometh from the heart
Thy lips, thy movement, all of you is art
Doth not you realize your tender cheek
That brushes through the spoken as you speak
Beknownst to us the touch that we desire
As lips do meet, our bodies ignite fire
Unspoken promises doth speak of truth
Although not one can stand the us: uncouth.
And yet we linger on forbidden flame
For us it's life; for others, 'tis a game
For who can comprehend our battling eyes
Our love is no more than a shy disguise
A saving passion shared, a must, be shy
For truest of all loves can never die.

Untitled 2

Never
to be a fool
for a heart that
loves no more;
(Extinguished.)
How does one love
when love is wasted
on a soul
that could love no more?
Who needs an addiction
when you've got
(alcohol, sex, drugs, money)
love?
There exists no magic,
no such myth.
When asked of true love,
This reply is a must:
Never
 
Untitled 3
 
A Valentine
Would have been fine
If I ever received one
But I did not
get what I sought
And so I say "God damn Son"
What would it take
For Buddha's sake
to reel in some one real
Just one to touch
(Not asking much)
to kiss, caress and feel?
Oh If I could ever steal
But boys are just (God Damn) Surreal.
 
Untitled 4
 
She said take me
He said gladly
She said hold me closer now
He said surely
(So maturely)
She said it's not what, but how
He said show it
She said (stoic)
Save me from my safe desire
He said maybe
She said (gayly)
There is no need to inquire
He said really
She got feel-y
He said tell me what you need
 She said I need
He need not plead
She said I just want my stead
And so they went
and did the deed
 
 
blah blah blah.
 
What of my life now?
 
--->Keish♫
 

 





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Back to you - It always comes around

Pain.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But doesn't it just kill you slowly?

I thought I could forget everything. I thought I could forget, but not forgive. But it's hard to just throw away what was once a huge part of my life and just forget about it.

Since the beginning of this month (and btw today's just the THIRD day), things have surfaced that made me rethink of you - of us. I'm pretty sure - absolutely sure - that I am not in love with you anymore. But once in my life, I DID love you, and that goes without doubt (and I just hope you felt the same). And I just had to think back to what kind of person I was when I was engaged in your endeavors.

I was a bitch.

Not to you, but to the person I stole you from. I know this because I fit snug into her shoes right now. I know how it feels like to love someone and give someone everything and plan your life around your most favorite person in the world, just to be left with an unfulfilled future together. Just to be thrown out of the boat after being stripped of most everything you had. I'm in the middle of the ocean, just waiting for a buoy (pun VERY intended). 

And what's worse is that I have to watch you sail away with another. Even when the boat disappears into the abyss, you still see the steam, and pretty soon, hallucinate. You start to imagine boats coming your way, but they are just mirages. You're never coming back, are you?

Another thing I've come to realize was that you were weak, and you still ARE weak.

As a good friend of mine analyzed, if another girl threw herself at you and told you she loved you, you'd be confused and flattered and you'll throw out another girl for this new one.

You think you're such a player, but really, you're weak.

You can't really love anyone, because you're just gonna keep accepting the love that you want but don't deserve. You love this girl who loves you, but then there's another girl who says she loves you, and you don't know how to react to that except to love her back. And since all your love is now focused on this new girl, you dump the old one.

I hope that no other girl would fall victim to your fucking cycle. I hope someone actually breaks your heart or better, if you actually experienced being cheated on. I know it's wrong to wish anyone bad things, but you need a taste of your own medicine.

You know, I know you so well and I remember you never really understood the whole concept of love. As I recall, you once were "in love" with my best friend (actually 2. No wait, 3). I'm guessing you have this silly, petty image of "love" as being strictly and obstinately being happy and feeling happy, when it's not. Your "love" disappears when things get rough and too painful to address to, but it's in these times that you would really know if you loved someone. You give up too easily, and I hate you for that (among a million other reasons).

I don't know if I could ever bring myself to be friends with you, but I know I'm not stupid enough to fall for your stupid cheesy lines and your stupid memorized quotes (and I wonder how you aren't coming out of the closet yet).

Ang lakas ng tama mo sa'kin noon, ang laki na ng pasa na naiwan sa'kin ngayon.

Masakit lang talaga.





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Singularity

 Love. I get so lost, sometimes.

Every now and then, two of my weirdest, craziest most fun to be with friends and I gather together and talk about the crazy things we do. And every now and then, there comes a silence. This silence is of realization. And, as if we thought in unison, one of us asks,

"Why are we still single?"

An immediate shudder sabay "IKR" bursts out from each of our single souls. Is it so wrong to un-want loneliness?

Is it so wrong to want to kiss a boy?

Or to hold hands with a boy along the acad oval?

Or to know that somewhere in the world, some boy is professing his love for you in a way that cannot be expressed through words and the only way anyone could know is to be in HIS place and to feel HIS undying and effortlessly-effortful, mouth-watering, heart-stopping, skin-kiligzing love for you?

I want to love and be loved again. Is that so wrong?

I just want, just really want, just really really really really really really really really want to be wanted again. I feel so panget. And desperate.

And that is not what love is.

(HUH? Connection, please.)

If I were to look for love, I have to not look for it. I can't be desperate for it. If ever, love should be desperate for me (nuks naman).

It's like one of those puzzle games (most, actually): You try so hard to concentrate on what to do next and you do every possible move to solve it, but the more you try, the more it gets harder. But once you relax and just somehow stare at it and do nothing about it, BAM! You get hit by a bus. You get the solution. So effortless.

You don't go looking for love. Love goes looking for you. So you gotta make like a good doctor and have a lot of patients/patience.

Last night, I was with my best friend who I have not seen for the longest time and she and her boyfriend have been together for more than a year now. I said I was happy for them and I asked, "how do you even get a boyfriend??"

And she said, like the wise friend she is, "you don't really get one. It's all by accident."

So here I am, waiting going about life like I should, until the luuuurve bus hits me. I want to be accidentally in love.

--->Keish♫

PS - I still want to kiss a boy huhu

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Isang tula na ginawa ko ngayon dahil hindi ako nagpaparamdam at hindi ako bitter.


Chos.




Hindi talaga ako bitter. Wag mo nang basahin.Collapse )

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"Travel Piece"

ATC


After taking a jeep, squeezing in the MRT, riding a bus and finally taking another jeep, I am where I like to call Home: Alabang Town Center. It is one of the distinct establisments that make the South, well, the South. While it isn't exactly at the heart of Muntinlupa, its location is conveniently located near the intersection of Alabang, Paranaque and Las Pinas.

As I settled down in Mount Mcdo (infamously named such because it's a Mcdonald's perched on a hill that angers many car-owners), I munched on my French fries and relaxed from my long commute. This was where I always stayed in, especially when I was a loner. Unluckily for me, this is also a favorite meeting place for Southerners, which means a lot of uneasy awkward greetings to and from an anti-social such a myself. It didn't help that I was alone.

But I wasn't always alone. Being the unanimous meeting place that it was, Mt. Mcdo was also the place where I would wait for my friends, but it's usually vice-versa. I wish I was waiting for my friends then, because a group of familiar high school-mates flocked straight in to the line. I didn't want to be there, naturally.

So I left the scene, awkwardly bumping into tables and children, before any of my school-mates recognized me. I paced to the back of Mt. Mcdo and into the entrance of the mall itself. I embraced the rush of cold artificial wind and breezed through the bomb detector. I didn't even stop to get my bag "checked" (a.k.a. poking a stick into people's bags) by the mall security, who probably figured I wasn't carrying explosives.

It was a Friday, so the mall wasn't as empty as it is on Mondays, nor as crowded as it is on Saturdays. I lugged my backpack around after attempting to leave it in the supermarket baggage counter (note to self: they know people do that now).

Funny how, after years of going around the same mall over and over until I've memorized practically every shop in Town, I still had the lingering question that almost everyone with no agenda had: "Where do I go?"

I was in the mood to eat, but considering my student budget and my vegetarian diet, I was lost in a sea of restaurant chains. I carefully considered the pro's and con's of each restaurant I passed. Burger King has internet (with power sockets!) and TV, but it was always full. Mcdonald's was the same, except with no sockets and free massage. The KFC branch there has got to be the worst (once, I ordered four differrrent meals, none of which were available). Jollibee felt too damp. There was no place to go, except...

The Food Choices in ATC was a blackhole of indecisiveness. This is where people go when they don't know where to eat, and even when they choose to eat in the food court, they still don't know what to eat. In this case, I am "they." I'm pretty sure I've eaten at least one thing from every restaurant there, and I'm pretty sure I didn't like them. My last resort was always siomai or chicken. Since I couldn't have any (being vegetarian makes me cry), I just ate corn with butter. All that travelling for corn. With butter.

So, the bored loner I was, I took out my math notebook and started studying for an exam I had the next day. And then the introvert's nightmare came: one second, I was reading up on techniques of differentiationn, and the next second, BAM!! An invasion of familiar people. This is the part where I am forced to awkwardly say hi.

This is one of the things I love/hate about the South (particularly ATC): people I love/hate all go to the same place. The South is so tiny that it's impossible not to bump into at least two people I knew. This place was too familiar for me, and it was comforting, but uneasy. I've done everything there is to do in this mall, and yet I still go here by choice. When I'm bored at home, I go to ATC to be bored while spending. It's definitely not as crowded nor as huge and exciting as MOA, Greenbelt, Trinoma or the Fort, but I guess this is where I always settled. The boredom became a familiar comfort.

It was exactly like Home.

[k]


This was for my CW10 class. I got  a 2.5 because it was supposed to be a travel piece, not a show if introvertive self. Oh well.





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